


Feeble is the Heart that Dares to Love You (but mine shall try)

by terrae



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Artist Raven, Canon Jewish Character, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Charles You Will Be Drunk, Christmas, Christmas meals, Drunk Drama, Edie is a Badass Mom, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Lehnsherr Has a Crush, Erik is a Good Egg, Erik is a Sweetheart, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving In Together, Professor Charles - Freeform, Remy is an Asshole in this, So Married, Stark Industries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terrae/pseuds/terrae
Summary: Charles's soon-to-be-ex has locked him out of their apartment in a fit of temper. Without his coat, his wallet, or his phone. On Christmas. He expects Charles to spend the night begging at the door. Charles walks out instead to the only place that is still open - a Jewish deli across the street. The owner had always scowled at Charles whenever he and ex stopped by, but at least it's warm in there and possibly the man will let him use the phone to call his sister.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Charles Xavier
Comments: 18
Kudos: 294
Collections: Secret Mutant Madness 2019





	Feeble is the Heart that Dares to Love You (but mine shall try)

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [kianspo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kianspo/pseuds/kianspo) in the [secret_mutant_madness_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/secret_mutant_madness_2019) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Charles's soon-to-be-ex has locked him out of their apartment in a fit of temper. Without his coat, his wallet, or his phone. On Christmas. He expects Charles to spend the night begging at the door. Charles walks out instead to the only place that is still open - a Jewish deli across the street. The owner had always scowled at Charles whenever he and ex stopped by, but at least it's warm in there and possibly the man will let him use the phone to call his sister.
> 
> Shout out to my awesome friend, [ofbrothersandteacakes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofbrothersandteacakes/pseuds/ofbrothersandteacakes) , for helping me out with the reason for Remy and Charles' fight and the title! 
> 
> This started out as a dialogue-heavy one-shot. The more I wrote, I felt more inspired but I liked how I began it so I decided not to edit it and leave it as it is! I love this prompt so much, and the boys so much. Aaaaa.

“This is going to sound pathetic, but I’m currently locked out of my own apartment. I mean - I didn’t forget my keys or something like that. I mean I *don’t* have my keys or we wouldn’t be in this mess. My boyfriend - well, my _ex_ surely, as soon as he shows me his face again - locked me out and refuses to let me in over something so stupid you would hardly believe… Er, may I use your phone? You are the only one who's open.”

“Phones are down. And my cellphone’s battery is dead so I’m charging it.” 

“Oh.” 

“You can take a seat and wait for it to charge a bit. Do you need to call the police?” 

“Oh, no. No, nothing like that. It’s not what you think, I’m okay. My ego is a bit bruised, is all, but that’s okay, I suppose. I just need to call my sister so that she can come get me.”

“Well, like I said, you will have to wait…” 

“Yes! thank you. I’ll sit over there.” 

Charles turned to choose a table. The entire deli was empty, most people tucked in their houses where the frostbite wasn't threatening their extremities. He couldn't believe Remy hadn't at least allowed him to take a coat. Fingers twitching from the cold, Charles made his way to one of the tables and sat down, burying his fingers together. No one else was around other than himself and the boy behind the counter who Charles was sure hated him for disturbing his evening. Despite its emptiness, the deli didn’t look uninviting or gloomy and slowly, he began to felt the warmth of the shop settle over him. He stared outside the window, letting the snowfall entertain him for a while while he reflected on his latest poor life decisions. He didn’t know how long he had been looking, but when he heard a noise of someone clearing his throat, he looked up and the boy from behind the counter was carrying a tray. 

Erik. The boy's name was Erik. Erik Lehnsherr, his nametag said. And Charles suddenly realized that he knew him. Not exactly _knew_ him, but it wasn’t the first time he had seen him; Erik tended to direct the world’s sharpest scowl at Charles and Remy as they stumbled into the deli some nights, probably drunk, to order sandwiches. 

But gone was the scowl now. Erik lay down the tray and Charles’ eyebrows rose in surprise as he stared at the mouthwatering food. There were three plates; the first had a few cuts of meat alongside some potato chips; the second was a bowl of vegetable salad, and the third plate contained three chocolate-chip cookies. Atop the tray also lay a glass of milk. 

“What’s this, my friend?” 

“You’re obviously going to be here a while.” Erik shrugged before turning to leave. Charles stared down at his food, then leaned and grabbed Erik’s sleeve. 

“Would you like to join me? We can share this, this is certainly very generous and though I’m hungry, there is no way I’ll eat this alone.” 

It turned out that Charles _could_ eat this alone. Most of it, anyway. Erik stared at him with an amused expression as Charles devoured the salad and the meat, and when Charles stared at him, cheeks coloring, Erik insisted that he had eaten earlier. They ended up sharing the cookies. 

“This is really good,” Charles said with a mouthful of cookies. “Did you make them?”

“My mother did. She’s visiting my sister in Vermont so you will have to thank her when she comes back.” Then he added with a shrug, “I should have been there too. My sister just had a baby, but someone needed to keep the shop open.” 

“I’m glad you didn’t go or else I wouldn’t have had this lovely meal on Christmas Eve. Thank you, Erik. I’ll leave you a huge tip when I get back my wallet.” 

Erik nodded, “You don’t need to do that. If my mother was here, she wouldn’t let you pay. She’s good like that.” 

“She sounds like a kind woman,” Charles said, beaming at him. He picked up the glass of milk, feeling more pampered than he had in a while and finished it in one go, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He had to admit he was a little confused, because Erik wasn’t usually so interactive with him. Charles couldn’t remember a time when Erik had spoken more than two words to him, those words being what he needed to pay. He didn’t even tell him to have a good day unless Charles told him first. Then it was a clipped, bored _you too_ while Erik stared down at the cash register. 

But the last thing Charles wanted to do was to bring it up and have Erik retreat into himself again. 

He was saved from overthinking himself to death when Erik decided not to ignore the elephant not in the room any longer and ask, “Does he always kick you out like that?” 

Charles blinked for a few moments before realizing Erik was talking about Remy and shook his head. “No… that was a first. Honestly, it was a stupid conversation. I don’t want to make you lose brain cells just listening to it.” 

But Erik wasn’t having it. He stared at Charles until the latter caved in, desperate for a friendly - or even neutral - ear since Raven wasn’t around. 

“I’m a TA at Columbia, and I’m also doing my PhD and with finals season coming up, I’m spending more and more time at the university, rarely home. Remy is doing his MA - that’s how we met -, but between you and me I don’t think he will stick to it. He rarely attends his lectures, never does his assignments and doesn't think an MA is worth his time but his father insists. Anyway, when he does show up, it's according to his mood when he goes. I never know when he’s going to go, not that it’s a problem. A few days ago he showed up and saw me having a coffee with a colleague of mine, Moira, who I’ve known for years now and having coffee together is just a tradition of ours when we sit down and discuss our previous weeks. Thinking back now, I'm rather sure I mentioned her at some point. Moira and I, like I’ve said we’ve been friends for a long time so we’re more affectionate towards each other. I don’t remember the exact instance but she must have held my hand in excitement and Remy happened to see that. I didn’t even know he was there because he chose to confront me about it - you guessed it - tonight, days later… He had been drinking and sulking so I finally asked him what was wrong today and he exploded on me.” Charles stopped to take a deep breath, his face turning sour because it was _Remy_ who he was talking about. His high school sweetheart. The man who didn’t believe him no matter how much he begged. 

“He said that I didn’t deserve him. I was nothing without him and I didn’t know it, and he kicked me out. He wanted me to beg to be let in but I couldn’t do it, even if he was being ridiculous. Perhaps he was saying what he truly felt about our relationship.” 

He finished his tale with a sigh. He had carefully avoided Erik’s eyes, because as much as he was grateful for Erik’s patience, he didn’t want to see him gloating. But Erik did no such thing. He had a dark look on his eyes but it wasn’t directed at Charles. 

“Seems to me like he doesn’t deserve you. If he doesn’t trust you and doesn’t give you a chance to explain yourself, does he deserve your time at all?” 

Was it Charles or did Erik sound _angry_? Why he would be, Charles had no idea, but he didn’t linger on the thought too much. He thought about Erik’s words, and the fact that Charles himself grimaced whenever he thought of Remy as his boyfriend. It didn’t sound as right as it had, once upon a time. 

“Do you have any alcohol in here? I could use some.” 

The deli didn’t serve anything but beer, but Erik admitted he had a bottle of brandy lying around that he and his mother shared. He would buy them a bottle later, but right now Charles needed it so he brought it out, along with two glasses which he wiped and poured the brandy in.

It _did_ help, because by the third glass Charles knew for a fact that his relationship with Remy had lost its authenticity years ago. The fantasy that they had lived had faded away under their noses. 

“I hate being alone,” Charles confessed. Erik had flipped the sign on the door from ‘open’ to ‘close’ because he didn’t feel like working anymore for the night, and was currently sharing the bottle with Charles, in the farthest booth from the door. He listened patiently as Charles went on. “It’s Remy’s apartment that we live in because I gave mine to Raven to turn into her studio. I just thought we would be forever, so it's partly my fault.” 

“None of this is your fault, Charles. You just didn’t want to be alone, it’s a valid reason to go on living a lie.” 

Apparently it wasn’t the best thing to say because Charles sniffled, the corners of his lips sagging downwards. Erik felt his heart break, so he hastened to add, “But you’re waking up. You’re strong. You’re going to be honest with that piece of shit and tell him what you honestly think of him.”

“Yeah,” Charles murmured. “He’s a piece of shit. Asshole. Kicking me out and treating me like dirt. Fucking asshole.” 

“He is,” Erik said. 

“You really hate him, don’t you?” 

“Hate’s a big word and Mama doesn’t like it, so I harbor total contempt towards him and detest his loathsome face.” 

Charles barked out a laugh, and in doing so lost his balance and his head ended up on Erik’s shoulder. None of them moved, though Charles kept giggling against Erik’s jumper and Erik let him, grinning himself. 

When Charles pulled away his eyebrows rose. “Well you’re smiling now. That’s a first.” 

Erik shrugged, but before long his heart started hammering and he stilled as Charles leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was so soft and Charles’ lips warmed his own, but it was short-lived, Charles pulling away quickly when Erik didn’t respond at all. 

“Oh my - shit, I ruined this, didn’t I? God, I am so sorry. Please don’t stop talking to me.” 

“Hey, it’s…” Erik glared at the table, hating that he didn’t have any words to respond with when he was usually so quick-witted. “Of course I’ll keep talking to you, Charles. We’re just not doing this now. You’re drunk and going through a potential breakup. What you feel is probably not real and I’m not taking advantage of you like that.” 

Charles sagged in disappointment, obviously wanting affection but realizing that Erik was right. 

It felt like forever before Erik turned to him and said, “I can hug you though.” It seemed less selfish to him, and he could lie to himself and say that he was keeping Charles warm. His selfishness was justified to him when Charles’ face brightened and he leaned into his arms. 

It wasn’t only Charles that needed that hug. 

*

It turned out that Charles was a lightweight, the alcohol making him passing out soon after and Erik had no choice but to help him up to his apartment. With his mother gone, Erik could sleep in her room and Charles could take his. It felt counterproductive to call Charles’ sister now when it was midnight and the roads slippery and Charles had already drifted off. By the time Erik had closed up the deli and helped Charles take the elevator to the apartment, Charles was shivering and Erik found himself yet again cursing at Remy’s smart choice to send him out there without enough layers on. If Charles had caught hypothermia and died, Remy’s ass would have ended up in jail. 

He helped Charles to his room, then dug into his wardrobe and produced another jumper Edie had knitted for him and made quick work of putting it on Charles, receiving little protests from the man. 

Erik was on his way outside when Charles said, “For the record, what I felt was real,” indicating the kiss, certainly. Erik didn’t know how to argue with that. He half suspected Charles was still drunk, or sleepy so he nodded and closed the door, sighing once he was outside. 

*

Charles wasn’t lying. 

Erik would know because Charles had told him he meant to kiss him five years ago and had spent every day since then proving it to Erik. 

The next few months after Charles broke up with Remy were tough on the young scholar. Charles, Erik learned, experienced things too strongly. He loved with every part of him and when that love was gone, he felt the crash as if he had been physically broken. Even if he had no feelings for Remy anymore, he refused to think of Remy as a bad person, simply that they were not suited for each other and spent his time remembering the good parts of their relationship. It infuriated Erik, but Charles was too good. He had walked up to Remy the next day and told him how much of an obnoxious person he was, but that he would continue to remember their time in school as some of his best years. And that he never wanted to see Remy again.

Erik had been there when Charles moved his belongings to Raven’s studio, with takeout and books and cheesy Blu-rays and late-night conversations filled with ugly crying on Charles’ part and reading his engineering textbooks aloud until Charles fell asleep on Erik’s part. He had been studying, too, then, but the deli more than supported him and his mother financially, so he didn’t see why he couldn’t use some of his earnings to bring presents for Charles, even if the latter insisted that Erik’s presence was what only what he needed.

In the wake of the breakup, Charles had retreated into his studies, burying himself into his thesis and making progress that surprised his professors. Some days they wouldn’t talk at all, Erik reading a novel with his head in Charles’ lap while Charles edited his paper. They hadn’t even been together at the time, but honestly Erik was just glad to have friends. Raven and Charles brought color in his life and reminded him that life could be much more enjoyable with the right people around him. Edie knew that too, and she also knew that one strengthened one’s friendships with food so she always had cookies baked for when Erik visited Charles and Raven, and offered the siblings discounts when they came to the deli. 

Charles got his PhD later that year and he, Raven and Erik went out for drinks to celebrate. That night Erik bribed Raven with more cookies from the deli and she made up an excuse and left them alone. Erik decided to come clean, and Charles’ face when Erik confessed his crush was priceless. 

Erik’s face was more priceless when Charles told him that he had thought Erik would never say anything, then grabbed his face and kissed him. 

Things were… good afterwards. Erik loved Charles unconditionally; the things that Remy had considered shortcomings in Charles, Erik praised the most. He thought it was adorable that Charles hated the world and himself in the morning, and that Charles never once forgot a date or showed up late to a meeting. He also appreciated Charles’ love for gardening and was impressed at Charles’ extensive knowledge of plants and flowers. Soon after they rented a house together Charles had created a whole garden with limited resources. Charles was also incredibly stubborn and never backed down from an argument, but he had a way about delivering his argument that left room for peaceful negotiation. Erik loved that Charles stayed up to help him to dinner whenever Erik would work late, sleepily serving them both overcooked bowls of pasta. The way Charles called out all the things that were technically wrong in movies _at the theater,_ to the point where they were almost kicked out once. Charles was a perfectionist who loved Erik’s unkempt hair in the morning and when Erik put on mismatched clothes, and a prude who had the dirtiest mouth when they fucked, and a man with a million rules who broke all of them for Erik. 

In turn, Erik never had to put on a fake smile around Charles when he didn’t feel too cheerful. Whereas people would think he was too gloomy despite his insistence that it was just the structure of his face, Charles would always accurately read his mood. Erik told the most awful jokes (as Raven helpfully told him) and Charles laughed his heart out. Erik’s perfectionism came out when he cooked, tending to purchase specific pots and pans and utensils which Charles never understood the difference between but he wanted to learn. Charles felt refreshed by Erik’s passion, be it when they had one of their arguments about politics or when Erik’s favorite sports team won a match. He didn’t understand Erik’s bizarre sense of music but turned the volume up and made up dances to accompany it (which Erik critiqued but joined Charles in anyway). Erik didn’t really like social gatherings and Charles never pushed him to go to one, finding staying in their pajamas and watching a terrible action movie a more favorable pastime. 

They fit in together, Charles’ colors bleeding into Erik’s colors until the edges faded together and what was left was a smooth gradient. A puzzle set in which the slots had merged into one another that all that remained was a perfect picture.

Charles was appointed a professor at Columbia and though he always complained about the volume of work he had to do Erik knew that he would never, ever trade it for anything else. He loved his students, loved teaching and his colleagues all agreed that he was a blessing around the office. As for Erik, he managed to land a job at Stark Industries and in the time of a year, he was the head of the department he had interned at as a fresh graduate. Raven opened her own gallery and people from all over the continent came to see the sensational Mystique’s pieces. 

All was exceptionally well, but as the five year mark of their relationship approached, Erik grew more anxious. There was something he had wanted to tell Charles ever since he’d met him, perhaps, that he had never gotten around to. For five years, the urge would come and go and Erik be so close to saying it but he didn’t. As he stared at Charles’ sleeping form, he knew his mind was made up. It was six o’clock and soon they would both be getting ready for work. 

Erik reached for Charles naked shoulder, rubbing circles onto it that made Charles sigh contently. 

“Charles. Are you awake?” 

“Mhm. Just a li’l bit more.”

“I wanted to tell you something. It’s… important.” 

Erik really didn’t know how he did it, but Charles opened his eyes and though he still looked sleepy, he knew that his mind had already started to wake. Perhaps it was Erik’s serious tone. 

“Are you okay?” Charles asked, frowning when Erik nodded. 

“There is something I’ve wanted to tell you. Do you remember the first time you walked into the deli and you wanted to call Raven and I told you that my phone needed to recharge? I lied. It was charged. I just wanted you to stick around for a while. I wanted to talk to you. I had a huge crush on you and you didn’t even know I existed.”

There. That hadn’t been so difficult. It only took him five years to admit it. 

Charles was staring at him in disbelief. “Our relationship is built on lies then. I feel deceived,” he yawned. 

Rolling his eyes, Erik lightly shoved him. “I’m sorry.” 

“Whatever are you apologizing for? Giving me the best five years of my life?” 

Erik blinked, letting out a sigh of relief. “It’s good that you think that. It’s good that I got that out of the way too.”

“Why?” 

“Because with no more secrets between us, I wanted to ask you something. Marry me.” 

Now it was Charles’ turn to blink at him in silence, but then his lips curled in a smile and he leaned in and kissed him. “On one condition.” 

“What’s that?” 

“ _I_ pick out the music.”

“So long as your awful dancing is not included.” 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/terraae)


End file.
